


We Can Be Alone Together

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: What if? [38]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Angst, Deception, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Five's POV, Hotel Sex, Hurt/Comfort, No incest if you understand Fiveya, Old Number Five | The Boy, Older Man/Younger Woman, Pre-Season/Series 01, Secret Identity, Strangers to Lovers, Vanya's POV, fiveya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26164546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: Vanya's dull life gets a bit more interesting as she meets with a stranger in a hotel room.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: What if? [38]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1313192
Comments: 34
Kudos: 135
Collections: The umbrella academy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything

With everyone enjoying themselves and not really paying much attention to her, it wasn't all that hard to sneak out of the large reception. She would probably manage to do so sooner and without anyone noticing, but the polite woman inside her forced her despite how uncomfortable she felt to stay a little longer. A very bad habit of hers to please anyone whether they wanted it or not. Good thing, her phone started to demand to recharge, or she would guilt herself to another hour or so.

In her room, Vanya collapsed on top of the bed staring at the ceiling for a few moments. Would it really be so horrible if she stayed in the room? It wasn't like anyone would miss her. The wedding was large and even if some people, mainly her co-workers, knew she was present they hardly would wonder where she went or worry about her if they didn't see her. It was usually like that. If Vanya left the room, it was almost like she left the existence altogether. At least that was how she felt about it all.

The room was nice, and it saved her from the numbing music downstairs. Everything was okay for a while. Despite her age, it was the first wedding Vanya had ever attended. Unlike her siblings who occasionally got invited to royal weddings, this was a completely new experience for her. She took her time and the advice of the shop clerk of the store she bought her expensive dress trying to comfort herself that she would wear it again someday. She even got her hair done feeling a bit better while listening to the bubbly nature of her hairdresser. Maybe she would come there more often from now on. She seemed nice and her stories were pretty funny.

She then took a cab and met up with some of her colleagues who were smoking outside catching about the happy couple, the hotel, work, and other things. She was seated next to most of them, so it wasn't completely awkward at first. They drank a bit, ate, talked. All in all, it was nice, and Vanya could almost say she enjoyed herself, but then the dancing started and people started to couple up and switch places, and she was surrounded by faces she didn't recognize and that always brought that painful feeling of disappearing in the crowd of faceless people who wouldn't even notice she was gone.

It was a bit painful. She wouldn't have thought something like a wedding could cause her to feel so alone, but seeing the family members all happy for the couple, she left a dull pain inside her chest. She doubted she would ever be invited to her siblings' weddings. According to tabloids Vanya occasionally glanced at, Allison and her boyfriend Patrick were a sure thing and rumors of potential engagement or wedding circled in the papers for a few months now. Luther was still stuck in the house, and Vanya doubted he would ever leave it long enough to find someone if it wasn't because of a mission. Also seeing Allison with her boyfriend must not have been fun for him. For some reason, she was sure, Diego was dating someone, but she couldn't remember who exactly told her or if she saw them herself. Since she personally didn't see him in months as well, she was sure she wouldn't be on any guest list. And Klaus would most likely if ever have a quick Las Vegas wedding affair.

Sitting up, she grimaced at herself as she almost processed to think about her other siblings before she reminded herself that they were gone. It was stupid. Even after all those years, every time, she thought about all of them she always continued to think about Five and Ben like they were still here. She couldn't help herself. There were seven children living in the mansion, seven siblings, seven Hargreeves. And there always will be. Even if Ben was dead, she couldn't cut him out of the world of the living and her memories, and as for Five, she would probably always make peanut butter sandwiches with marshmallows for him even if only in her mind.

She put her phone to the charger and decided to return to the wedding. There was no point in continuing to be miserable on her own like this tonight. She could have plenty of that once she got home.

It was pointless in her mind to think about her own wedding, and if she would invite her siblings. She couldn't imagine herself in a pretty white dress and engaging with people the way her co-workers did. Hell, she couldn't even imaging wanting to marry anyone. Most of her boyfriends seemed more like passing time activities than actual people. It was mostly her fault, she knew that. She wanted normality that was never given to her growing up, but once she had it, she didn't really know what to do with it usually shutting the people out completely.

_Thanks, dad._

Her life truly became dull and empty. She couldn't explain it. In the Academy, she felt alone, yes, but there were always some glimpses of hope. Whenever Luther asked her how she was in a way a decent older brother would. Or when Diego came to her to rant about dad out of the blue since he knew she wouldn't interrupt into his speech and make him nervous. Whenever Allison wanted to play sisters complaining about boys or just feeling generous enough. When Klaus decided to tell her something hilarious that popped into his mind because he was Klaus. When Ben came to read out loud to her to share his thoughts on a book. When Five…

There just were moments of light when even in the grey sad mansion, she felt happy and a part of the family even if she often felt alone. However, now as an adult living alone, she truly understood the meaning of the word. She wasn't in contact with her family. She didn't have any too close friends she could talk to or call. She didn't even have any long-term relationships. Everything in her life felt empty and that made her feel lonely in a way not even an extra pill could numb down. Strange.

Vanya wished she could somehow fill the void. She tried hobbies, but overall, when she felt the familiar feeling of depression that was like a hollow hole in her chest, nothing seemed to pull her out of it. She was lonely. She was sad. Her life felt so incredibly empty and dull, she wanted to scream and run away but didn't know where and didn't even have the strength to. She craved a change, but what kind she didn't know.

Nothing seemed to work. No people, no places, no new memories, no new meetings, no new successful violin performances. Literally nothing seemed to wake her up from the boredom and hollowness of her everyday life.

She wondered if anything ever would already slipping back to old habits and negative thoughts that threatened to consume her before she could properly push them away.

Once out of the room closing the door and hearing the automatic lock, there was a specific sound that caused the woman to stop in track curious right before it happened.

Vanya frowned at the lack of light in the hallway leaving everything around her in the pitch black.

As kids, many feared the dark. Until a certain age, Vanya did too. Klaus used to say there were faces and voices in the dark, no doubt the ghosts that were drawn to him like magnets. Vanya feared something else. She feared the _nothingness_ of being alone in the dark. She couldn't see or hear anything. It was soul-crushing, and for a certain time, she remembered she would cry into the dark not capable of moving until Grace came to turn on the light.

' _Please don't let the dark take me,'_ she begged mom who would smooth her hair with a calm smile and tell her not to be silly in her cheerful voice that everything was alright and no harm would come to her. But mom always sounded like that. Dad built her to sound like that even when the others came bloodied and with broken bones.

Now, it wasn't fear that bothered her of the dark, but it still forced her to feel uneasy knowing more than ever that she was alone.

Vanya looked around herself but didn't see anyone else who would answer her question about what happened. There was a large window at the end of the hallway covered in automatic blinds, so she decided to slowly walk over there.

Once she carefully lifted one of them and found the whole street and nearby buildings were dark as well with the only thing providing light at the moment the stars in the night sky.

_A blackout_.

She made a grimace feeling this weird hint of delight that the _perfect_ wedding of the bride and the groom was at least a _tiny_ bit imperfect before she admonished herself about how a horrible thing to think that was.

Vanya didn't really want to come to the wedding at all to be completely honest with herself. But since everyone from work was coming and Kim personally gave her the invitation, she felt obligated too. She knew what it was really about. Usually, when people were happy like they were dating someone or getting married they had this need to serve as matchmakers for those who weren't such as Vanya. She was right of course. Ever since she arrived it was all _you need to meet my cousin, brother, son, nephew,_ and so on, and in one case even a daughter. That was maybe even worse than if they ignored her because if she was ignored, she would at least be free to play games on her phone and watch the passing time.

All in all, Vanya didn't want to come to the wedding but didn't know _how_ exactly to get out of it, and now standing in the hallway with no power, something that could cancel the wedding which was something she was praying since she received her invitation, she felt a tiny bit guilty about it. Just a bit but still enough. She was never good with guilt. She always apologized too much.

The brunette looked down the dark hallway debating on what to do now. Her phone was still in her room getting or not getting charged now so there was no point in going to get it.

Carefully she walked toward the elevator feeling like she was in a minefield momentarily hitting her knee over what she remembered must have been a table with a vase on the hotel's hallway.

She mentally cursed as the pain shot through her knowing it was such an impact because she was wearing her only fancy dress and nylons and not her pants like she usually did. Her feet continued her journey toward the elevator even slower from that point on while her hands tried to touch anything which could be in the way.

Funny, she never realized how little she would be able to do blind like this.

When she found the elevator, she pressed the buttons numerous times until she finally gave up knowing it was also out.

There was no point in trying to get back to the wedding by a staircase in the dark unless she had a suicidal wish. All she could do now was to try and get to her room and wait it out or go to bed.

She was already tired by it if she was being completely honest with herself. There was only so much social contact, she could deal within one night.

Carefully she turned around and tried to recall which room was hers. It was the third one from the left, she was almost sure of it.

She went over and pushed the key card inside before she moved the handle.

_It's open_.

She paused for a moment wondering if all the rooms now were open or if the card still worked. Probably not since she didn't see the green light or hear the little beep she did when she first time she came into the room.

She walked inside hoping for the best and closing the door after her. The curtains weren't all the way down so it was a bit easier to see things in the dark. The room looked like hers, but it was a hotel all the rooms should have looked the same especially on her floor.

Carefully she walked into the bedroom before she jumped a step back cursing silently at her once again stupid luck. There was a dark silhouette in the room.

She should have skipped the wedding altogether. Decency be damned.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you,' said a deep male voice, she didn't recognize.

_Not my room then._

'No, I'm sorry, I should have called out. It's just so dark, I got lost,' she explained before she grimaced at her own rambling. She either really didn't have the third one from the left or she counted them poorly.

'The streets are dark too. It's probably a blackout,' the man commented and lazily stood up from the bed where he was seated before.

Vanya couldn't really see his face from the distance and in the dark, but she could see how tall he was. She tried to see if she could recognize him based on that and the voice, but no one came to mind. He might not have been a part of the wedding at all. They didn't solely book the hotel.

A pretty strange meeting in her option. Alone, in the dark like this.

'Yes, the elevator and key cards don't work either,' she said wondering why she was still there. She should have apologized for entering like this and leave, right? That would be the logical thing to do, not to mention the right thing to do. She was a stranger who entered this man's room as she owned it. She should really leave.

Just when she made her decision to turn around and do so reminding herself that she was inside a dark room with a stranger the man spoke again stopping her in the track.

'Drink?' he asked casually but in a deep voice, she found oddly _alluring_. It wasn't a thing. Vanya didn't have some older man kink or anything. Usually, she dated men close to her age, but she had to admit she always seemed interested in men a few years older. She never tried to date them though or even approach them fearing too much it was somewhat of a desperate call out to her daddy issues that she tried to push as deep into the corner of her mind and souls as possible with the help of her pills. Some attempts were more successful than others.

He didn't wait for her reply and already started to walk to the dresser where she could see a nice set of glasses and some bottles. She didn't have those in her room for sure. Different benefits for a different crowd.

Vanya briefly turned back to the door debating for a moment on what to do and then back at the man. She really should go. She didn't know him, and this was a strange situation. He could be anyone a serial killer, rapist, drug dealer, human trafficker. Literally, any horrible thing her soaked in crime TV shows mind could think up.

'What do you have?' she found herself asking chasing all of that away and just focusing on the whole scene in front of her.

She was alone in a dark room with a stranger who just offered her a drink out of the blue. Well, she always felt like her life was too dull, maybe this would be a nice reminder one day that it wasn't completely true, and there was some boldness to her. She just hoped it wouldn't end with a crime report and one of her siblings or dad coming out to say _I told you so._

'Scotch,' he said, and she couldn't help but smile a bit at the stranger before she admitted, 'My kind of poison.'

He glanced over his shoulder at her, and with the light coming from the stars, she could almost see him smirking if she wasn't hallucinating it all. It was a nice smirk. Not nice as if kind, but it was nice to look at, a bit sharp almost like a person could cut themselves on it. It distantly reminded Vanya of something before she chased the thought away.

Once his back was to her again, she bit her lip and took a step closer. Her brain was trying to be logical about it. She was inside a hotel room with a stranger she didn't know. He could be anyone. He could be a serial killer or rapist or something like that. She didn't know him. Growing up the way she did, she was exposed along with her siblings to just how horrible to the world could be. She learned what trafficking ring and statutory rape were before she was even ten along with how heavy was a gun with bullets or how long could a person survive underwater before their brain got too damaged. Even if she wasn't a part of the famous Umbrella Academy mainly in the first years, she was often included in the studies probably due to their dad not really knowing what else to do with her like she was an item he could never find a proper place for.

She chased those thoughts away. It had been a while since she thought about the Academy and her past. Last time was when she watched the news biting her nails as a young man who looked suspiciously too much like Klaus was found dead in an alley. It wasn't him, luckily.

In the darkness of the room with the man's voice so deep and inviting, she found herself excited by the possibility of staying and having a drink with him all doubts and warning signs flying out of the window. Something about the man and the whole situation was very thrilling. And she couldn't help herself really, but to let whatever was pulling her toward this strange possibility of danger and the man to suck her in.

She was just so _bored_ and _lonely_. Her last breakup literally drained her out any joy from the life she had left. Kim's wedding was the first social event or any event she had been to outside of work and it showed. She couldn't make small talk with the people at all always trying to stay near one coworker or another before getting tired of that as well. She didn't feel like drinking the champagne there and smiled awkwardly whenever someone took pity on her and tried to get her to dance.

She knew dad and the Academy was partly to blame, but at the same time wasn't some of that her own fault. Why couldn't she just be more open? Some of the men she dated told her she was too closed off. Like she didn't express herself enough or didn't allow them to see her instead try to act nice and good for the benefit of avoiding a fight or making them like her. She knew she did that. But every time she tried to be more open, she caught the odd looks the people were giving her. No one would understand the way she was raised, no one could comprehend her childhood and what was normal in the house she grew up in. Maybe only her siblings, maybe only Five, but that…oh, no, that was a long time ago. It was pointless to think about any of that now.

The man turned around and handed her a glass.

It was nicely cold, and she smiled again as she thanked him trying to sneak glances at him without being too obvious. Despite the lack of actually seeing his features, Vanya couldn't help but think he looked attractive like there was something interesting and a bit dangerous about him that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

He turned around to look at her and pressed his back against the dresser making it easier to watch him, 'Well, this is quite an unusual situation.'

She nodded thinking he was probably referring to the blackout.

Vanya took a light sip of her booze just to wet her lips as she walked closer to look out of the window behind the dresser. It was strange to look at the city now since it was in the complete dark.

'Yes, it is a bit strange,' she mumbled looking outside instead of the man for a moment finding the whole scene peaceful. No rush, no fuss, just a city in the dark. It didn't even look scary as Vanya would expect it to in the dark. And with the man beside her even if he was just as quiet like her, it felt almost less…

'Lonely,' she mumbled not even embarrassed or surprised she did.

The man looked at her again, she could tell even if she couldn't see it.

'Without everyone running around and the lights it feels less lonely somehow,' she explained although she wasn't sure if the man would understand.

There was a momentary pause, and she wondered if it wasn't a too loaded conversation to try and start with a complete stranger before he spoke, 'The eternal quest of the human being is to shatter his loneliness.'

She glanced at him curiously thinking if the quote didn't sound familiar, 'Joseph Conrad?'

The man shook his head, 'Norman Cousins. He was a journalist.'

She nodded and thought it would be the end of it before he spoke yet again, 'But I'm not sure if it's true. Loneliness seems to be the only thing a person has with him all the time. What does he have without it?'

She raised her glass a bit as if in a toast, 'Company.'

He smirked at her sharply, and she would have sworn he de-aged at least ten years. It suited him.

He reached his glass to hers and knocked the two together creating a ringing sound, 'To being alone together in the dark.'

She thought it was a stupid toast but didn't say it out loud.

Vanya took a bigger sip, and she found herself letting out a small pleased noise despite the heavy taste that burned her throat before she looked at the glass and then at the man, 'This is good stuff.'

'I'm glad you approve,' he replied like he was teasing her, and they shared a quick look before she again looked out of the window feeling slow waves of warmth run over her all the way from her throat to the toes on her feet. His smirk was the hottest thing she ever saw, and he was definitely teasing her.

_Strange man. A stranger. Alone in a room together._

'Why scotch and not something else? I have once been told women preferred wine,' commented the man suddenly, and when she looked at him, she found him still watching her waiting for an answer.

It might have been the whole situation in dark with a stranger, who by what little she could tell wasn't bad looking with a voice that she could listen to a bit longer, but Vanya started to feel a bit hot and not because of the fine alcohol. It was probably due to the dark. Things were always easier in the dark.

A small smile settled onto her lips as she remembered distantly how Five used to say he liked talking to her in the dark more because she was chattier and herself. Maybe it was true. She always felt a bit better at night. Like she thought dad wasn't looking or at least she couldn't see him and his cold judgmental eyes. Either way, they usually talked in the dark which was why Five often snuck into her room after hours. She remembered it was her favorite thing, and always made sure to stay awake and wait for him…before he left. Right, before he left.

The man's question though caused her to think about something other than Five. She didn't want to answer it to be completely honest, knowing all too well her answer would be pretty average. She liked the bitter and heavy taste more? Wine made her cheeks warm up quickly, and she looked like a tomato. No, those were horrible answers.

'My dad always liked it. He built a preference inside me.'

Partly true. Reginald Hargreeves didn't drink as far as she knew, but on the very few occasions, she was allowed around the house in time of gatherings or small parties she always caught him with something with honey brown color in his glass.

The man's eyes scanned her at that moment, analyzing her answer maybe even seeing through her small lie before he took a sip as well, 'What would your dad say about you being here and now?'

Their eyes locked for far longer than they should before she licked her lips and said, 'He would probably want me to run for the hills.' Not very true either. She couldn't imagine what her dad would say to all of this if anything it would be something along the lines _don't ruin the good name of the Umbrella Academy, Number Seven_. It almost made her want him to know just in spite of it. The alcohol certainly started to work.

She gripped the glass a bit tighter-looking at the man who would now forever be described if she ever told this story to anyone as tall, older, silver-haired, and handsome, 'A stranger's room, no lights, a stranger man. Not exactly a formula a father would want for a daughter.'

The man finished the rest of his glass and sat it down taking a step closer to her everything in her body awakening to his presence.

'Then why are you still here?' he asked quietly like he was giving her a way out. Now or never. If she wanted to leave, she could, and she should, he was telling her with his question even though something inside her told her, she wasn't the only one who liked the company and wanted to carry on with it a bit longer.

She looked up at him. With how tall he was and standing close to her at that moment, Vanya couldn't help but feel the warmth spread over her body even further. Damn, he was…she couldn't explain it, but there was something deeply alluring about the man which made her want to remain in his presence longer and not just talk… _no, not just talk at all_ given how hot she felt and how the heat seemed to settle between her legs making her want to rub them together if she was sitting and not out on display like this.

'I don't know,' she said barely louder than a whisper at that moment too hypnotized by his presence and the deepness of his eyes in the dark. Her stomach was a mess rolling around while all the heat started to run to the lower parts of her body. Everything about the moment was electric, and Vanya couldn't remember the last time someone made her feel this turned on by just standing and looking at her. Maybe never, but this stranger did that to her. He just stood there watching her in silence with the intensity that was probably making her blush, and doing something to her that made her want _him_ , 'I like…,' she almost said _you_ in her shaky voice before she corrected herself trying to sound more in control so he wouldn't get cocky by knowing her threw her off so damn much, 'the scotch.'

She just knew he would be the type to get cocky by every little thing he caused her to do. She didn't know how she could know such a thing after talking with the man for less than five minutes, but she did.

Time seemed to stop, and Vanya felt like she was standing on the edge of the cliff. Everything could change in a moment. Anything could happen in a moment. She already made her decision to stay, and she planned to go through with it. She knew what the man wanted. She knew what she _so damn desperately_ wanted. How could one stranger in the dark cause this? Sure, she drank, but nearly enough to be this bold and act on her desires. She barely saw the man, she barely spoke with him, she didn't know him _at all_ , and yet Vanya found herself wanting _everything_ from him.

This wasn't her. This wasn't like her. If she told this to anyone who knew her at least a bit, they would have laughed.

_Vanya Hargreeves, no, she would never do anything like that._

She was too timid, too small, too shy, too quiet, too insecure, and countless of other too little things. She knew it was true. She really did. But she couldn't help herself. At that moment, in this dark room with this stranger, she felt different. She felt bold, big, and daring, and she felt _damn good_ about it. She felt nothing like herself, but she found it all the more captivating that she did.

'Come here,' commanded the man suddenly in an almost husky voice and licked his lips causing everything her heart skipped a beat, and her thoughts to shatter.

She bit her lips and remained still. She wanted to. God, she wanted to, but something told her not to. She wasn't having second thoughts or anything like that, but for the first time since what felt like forever, she felt a bit of defiance inside her too.

'Why won't you come here?' she asked wondering whose voice was it that just spoke because surely she couldn't have asked something like that from a total stranger aroused or not.

Just then his hand found its way into her hair and before she knew it his lips were on hers devouring her in a heated and urgent kiss.

She moaned into it immediately set the glass on the dresser and let her fingers dug into his shirt pulling him closer. She couldn't remember the last time she ever had a make-out this heated, and when his other hand moved to her lower back and his teeth bit her lower lip, she couldn't remember anything at all not even her damn name.

Her knees almost gave up on her with the way, this man, this stranger held her close and kissed her stupid with almost animalistic demand like it was his _right_ to do so. _No one_ ever kissed her like that and to be completely honest, until right now when she was literally being suck into the wonderful sensation of heat and growing need between her thighs, Vanya didn't even think kisses like existed outside of corny adult romance novels.

She moaned again and pressed herself against him with a small groan. He was solid and tall. It should have caused an alarm. She was letting a stranger who was bigger than her kiss her in a hotel room that wasn't hers and that could easily serve as her cage or prison. Everything about this screamed _danger_ and growing up with superhero siblings who dealt with situations likes these that turned out horrible for the victims many times, she should have been smarter and get the hell out of there. Phenomenal kisser or not. But all Vanya could comprehend was how good he felt against her hands that were now moving over his body and how delicious were his lips against hers.

When she allowed her lips to part, she almost lost her balance from how good his tongue felt and how suddenly she felt they were having too many clothes on and not enough skin to skin contact. She felt on fire and in the need to get rid of unnecessary layers before she would burst.

Even when she felt complete throw off by his devilish lips and tongue along with his sinful hands squeezing and slowly teasing her back, she found enough sense to locate the line of buttons on his shirt. She moved messily occasionally missing a button, but to her credit, he was very good at distracting her.

When she pressed closer to him to finally pull the shirt over his shoulders he pulled his hands away accompanied by her sound of protest.

Once the shirt was gone, he broke the kiss leaving her even more disappointed before he took a hold of his undershirt and pulled it off as well.

She spotted a bandage over his wrist but before she could even think to ask about what happened he grabbed her elbow and pulled her closer again searching her body with his hands, 'W-where's the zipper?' he asked, his voice was still deep but a bit breathless and she felt a bit relieved that she wasn't the only one so affected by this.

'Side, but I don't need it,' she said and put her hand against his chest to push him a bit away. She realized this was it as she reached for the hem of her dress and started to push it over her head.

She was really going to have sex with a stranger she didn't see properly, didn't even know his name in a hotel room which wasn't even hers. She felt herself go wet just by the thought of it knowing she would.

Vanya tried to grasp some of the reality of it, but she was too overwhelmed with the burning desire inside her for him to kiss her again. She never felt this way. She never wanted anyone more than she wanted him and right now.

The moment she got the dress over her head his hand was on her side pulling her closer to him again. She let her most expensive and nice dress fall to the ground like it a piece of cloth not caring about anything than his lips on hers again causing her to melt against him.

'You're so tiny,' he mumbled with a certain level of something she dared would call affection when he broke the kiss and before he moved to her neck causing her to dig her fingers into his bare shoulders and gasp. Shivers ran over her body the moment he touched her there, but the heat was still present burning her from the inside and slowly leading toward her center.

She let her free hand ran over his hair enjoying how it was just long enough for her fingers to curl around it.

After a few failed attempts to speak as his lips tortured her neck in the most amazing way, she finally breathed out, 'Bed.'

The man didn't waste time as all of a sudden he picked her up like she was weightlessly pressing a kiss in the middle of her chest.

Vanya hooked her legs over his sides trying not to fall as well as throw her head back when she felt his lips on hers again.

He carried her to the bed marking her skin with wet kisses, and she wondered if he could feel her heart wildly beating against her chest when he was this close to it.

He settled her down carefully while he continued to kiss her skin leaving her breathless before she pulled him back to her lips moaning against another feverish kiss.

She would never imagine someone could kiss like this. She had a couple of boyfriends, but it was never like this when they kissed even during sex there were a certain awkwardness and sobering reality which made the kisses very lifeless and mechanical compare to the pure sensation of emotions and desire she felt right now. She didn't think kisses like these were real beyond scam to sell more romance novels and make more people watch romantic shows and movies.

He felt insatiable as he let his hands longingly wander over her body and his lips greedily move against hers for as long as possible before they needed to breathe. She felt dizzy, over-taken by the yearning sensation of hunger he was creating inside her for more and more of him. This was new to her. She would be ashamed and disappointed to know that _this_ , feeling _this way_ with someone was always on the table and she kept on stumbling over terrible men so far so she was only allowed tiny bites of tasteless food when she could have been feasting on something like this, something like him.

She dared herself to take a hold of his hair and pull him a bit away only to hear him groan animalistic and try to pull himself closer to her again. She didn't think a man ever showed her he wanted her so much as this one did.

She sat up moving backward on the large bed while forcing her shaking fingers to work on the clip on her bra behind her. She could let him do it. But felt more in control if she did know. It gave her a few seconds to calm her breathing and think.

Did she want to continue?

_God, yes._

Good.

The man took a few deep breaths clearly just as much affected and messed up by the lust as she felt.

He let his hand brush his hair a couple of times almost in a manic way while she successfully undid her bra and started to pull it away from her body.

It was strange. Usually, whenever she finally got to the point of having sex for the first time, there was this nervosity in her stomach and awkwardness she couldn't get rid of even with a few glasses of alcohol. She knew how she looked and even if she wasn't as self-aware and insecure about her body as she used to be as a teenager there were always these traitorous thoughts making her overthink things and force her not to be able to fully let go and enjoy herself. She couldn't help herself at least the first time. Usually, she got more comfortable after that growing familiar with her boyfriends and what they liked and did. All that was a process she went through every first time. Not now though. Now it was completely out of the book different for her.

Now she had this heat inside her body which seemed to grow even hotter whenever he touched her as if he was adding more sparks and fuel to it. It wasn't uncomfortable like a heatwave in the summer more like this heavenly and steamy pressure inside her making her feel more awake than anything else almost like she was sitting at the edge of her seat listening to her favorite musicians in live performance.

With how much the stranger wanted to touch her and kiss her, she felt _wanted_ , greedily wanted in a way no man ever seemed to show her before. It boosted her self-esteem to a level she didn't know she could reach, and it made her feel completely comfortable to sit there in front of him with no bra on and let him watch her breathing hard like an animal. It made her feel strangely powerful and excited and delirious from it all. It was probably the combination of dark and anonymity which made her feel this brave and free, but she decided not to overanalyze it and just get the most of it.

Just then she noticed she still had her shoes on as she got too caught up in the moment once he pressed his lips against her to even think about putting them off or any other proper thing to do. All morality when out of the window the moment, she decided to stay in the room after all.

She reached for them to pull them off before he snatched her wrist causing her heart to skip a beat, 'Keep them on.'

She swallowed getting even more aroused by the thought of him giving her orders with his deep voice in the dark.

His thumb stroked her wrist before he let her go and started to work on his belt.

Vanya sat up on her knees and reached for him busying his mouth with another savage kiss that made him take a bit longer than he should have to get the belt to undo. She took pride in knowing she affected him like that.

They broke the kiss again for him to pull down his pants along with his underwear, and she couldn't help but stare. It was easier to see him in the dark when he was naked. His skin was a shade darker than hers, but she was always very pale often asked by her teachers and colleagues if she wasn't feeling sick, so that wasn't saying much.

As far as she could tell the man looked gorgeous and Vanya was sure that if it wasn't for the dark and the circumstances and the fact that she was more aroused than ever it would work as a cold shower on her to know he was so handsome and she was…just _herself_.

He didn't give her time to touch doubts though as he took her face between his hands and locked her mouth in another series of ravishing kisses that would no doubt spoil her for the rest of her life.

After a moment he started to carefully lean her backward until her back was once again against the soft sheets and mellow mattress.

One of his hands moved to her throat, and she couldn't help another moan. Maybe she was just delicate about her neck. She couldn't remember if any of her previous lovers ever paid such attention to it, but with his lips sensually consuming her more and more with every kiss it was hard to think about anything other than him. Maybe it was the way he touched her in a certain way like he owned her and demanded things from her but at the same time did so carefully not to hurt her.

'It's alright,' she whispered into the dark moaning at the end as he sucked on the sensitive spot behind her ear.

He paused for a moment so she hurried to explain, 'You can't break me that easily.'

It felt odd on her tongue to she said it, but at the same time, she felt like she needed to tell him, he could be rougher with her. Everything inside her _craved_ it actually.

The man raised a bit to look at her face properly maybe to see if she was lying or not. In the dark of the room, it was hard to make out the exact features of his face, but for the first time since she entered the room, a feeling of familiarity settled in the back of her mind like the man was someone she had seen before.

_Oh, hell no!_

She prayed to God, he wasn't because she would die of embarrassment if the man turned out to be someone she knew. She would never be able to walk the earth knowing someone saw her act like this.

He leaned down his lips parted sensually moving over hers but not quite kissing them again, 'You're a tough one, aren't you?'

'Yeah,' she said and let her hands run over his chest curling his chest hair and noting that he was very solid and warm to touch. She could do this for hours just to map him with her hands.

Once she got lower, however, teasingly letting her fingers play with him for a bit he cut her off short and pushed both of her hands against the bed above her head. His hold was firm, and everything inside her burned by his hold.

Their eyes met, and even if she couldn't tell the color, his were very bright, carrying a certain hard or cold look, but they were also filled more intensity and lust she ever saw anyone carry for her.

She pulled her lower lip into her mouth to lick it just as he leaned down to kiss her again. In doing so he pulled it out and sucked on it.

He pressed his legs on the other side of hers as he continued to kiss her lips before he pulled at her wrists again reminding her that he was holding her caged like that. Despite the pressure, it was almost comforting to be a prisoner like that.

She knew she would blush at the idea if she already wasn't flushed all over.

The man pushed her hands above her head and crossed them before cuffing them with a single palm. His other hand now free to touch and explore her while he could still hold her in captivation.

If she wasn't on fire before now her body turned into the sun burning all over.

His lips started to wander leaving love bites on their way like a trail for others to follow to know where they went.

She gasped shocked by his teeth on her swollen nipple once he got to her chest. It was painful but also so thrilling, Vanya wondered if there wasn't something very wrong with her. Well, she was about to have sex with a stranger surely there was.

The man was restless and skilled. He nipped at her sensitive skin with just the right amount to make her never forget the feeling but not enough for it to hurt and make her want to stop. She soon found herself shivering under him like a leaf her legs moving on their own to get some friction before his hand pinned her down her side.

While his dark gaze was enough of command for her to make her try to stay still.

'I'm hardly done with you,' he told her as a matter of fact before he once again started to torment her chest sucking and scratching on her sensitive skin with his lips and teeth.

It was hard to stay still when her mind was slowly but surely taken over by the sensations. She didn't have sex in a long time, and she didn't have good sex in…well maybe ever.

She didn't think she would come from the special care the man seemed to be showing her, but Vanya was sure, she would come pretty close already feeling herself soaking through her underwear.

When he finally let her breath, she let out an almost relieved sigh, 'Please.'

Later, Vanya would think how strangely silent it all seemed. Like they didn't even have to talk to communicate and know what to do. She wasn't much of a talker, but usually, her partners said the typical phrases.

This man seemed to devote to learn from her reactions what she liked and what not and so far he managed to be spot on in everything.

He released her hands but only to move lower to her panties. His lips were hot and wet against her skin feeding the flame inside her on their way. His touches were urgent but at the same time almost leisure like he had plenty of time. No man had ever taken this much time to get to know her body.

His fingers slipped under the waistline of her underwear, and he easily pulled it off her tossing somewhere to the side probably where the rest of his clothes were.

Her legs were brought down and pushed further apart with only the nylons and her shoes the only remaining pieces of her clothing. He busied himself for a few moments with her thighs kissing her through the soft fabric of the nylons probably ripping them a bit though.

He found her clit straight away and in response her body was arching off the mattress as a sharp shock of pleasure rolled through it making it once again hard to think.

"Oh, f-fuck," Vanya gasped as the man decided to pay further attention to the sensitive bundle of nerves. The circles he started to rub against her clit were firm and slow leaving her a breathing hard mess in a matter of minutes silently begging for more.

Her fingers gripped the sheets trying to hold onto something as the sensation was threatening to steal her away completely any moment.

However, all of a sudden, just as she was sure it would explode inside her, she felt the man unceremoniously slow down and ease on the pressure.

She felt fingers from his other hand now inside her. It was nice but nowhere near as satisfying or thrilling as it felt to have him rub her clit. She was tempted to point it out feeling more relaxed than she did with any other partner when all of a sudden she felt his fingers move inside her a certain way. Her mind went black as the most intense wave of pleasure that she had ever experienced just washed over her entire body, from the top of her head down to her toes filling every corner.

She cried out or maybe she didn't since at that moment she couldn't remember anything or think straight.

The man didn't seem to care if she was going through the aftershock of the most unexpected and powerful orgasm of her life as he curled his fingers again and pressed hard against her clit at the same time causing her almost to fly off the bed lost inside her own body and mind.

Her brain kept short-circuiting as she tried to think about what was happening to her but she couldn't – she'd never experienced anything like this before. Everything turned black as if it shut down and then exploded with cosmic colors that were simply out of this world. It was too damn much for her.

She was trashing on the bed and shaking her head for him to stop trying to explain without words that he needed to stop before she would….before she would… _God, she didn't even know_.

Luckily, the man didn't torture her more and pulled his fingers out licking them while looking at her which she found out once she finally opened her eyes.

'Y-you… _oh_ ,' she felt ridiculous not being able to form a normal sentence but how was she supposed to prepare herself for this man to just go and bring her the most intense experience of her life with his fingers? After knowing her all of half-hour or so?

_Shit!_

He really would spoil her for life.

He smirked at her again looking all too cocky and proud of himself, and she would feel offended or insulted if it wasn't so _damn good_.

She closed her eyes and let out a shaky sigh finally feeling herself calming down a bit.

Her eyes opened again when she felt the man's hands over her trying to get her to let go of the sheets she was still gripping so hard her knuckles were white.

When the man offered all of the hurt knuckles kisses, she felt a completely different sensation form inside her chest before she shook it away trying to remind herself what this really was. This was about giving in to desire during a one-night stand with a stranger in a hotel room. Whatever young girl fantasy about romance was trying to make its way up from her naïve subconscious should crawl right back in.

She reached for him putting her free hand against the back of his neck and pulled him closer. Their kiss now was lazier, but still heated. It didn't take long, and Vanya felt the familiar aroused spread again from her groin to the rest of her body. She wanted more.

The man seemed to recognize the hunger in her eyes as his own as he reached down for his pants and pulled out a condom quickly placing it on.

Even in the dark, it wasn't hard to see his cock hot and long. It didn't seem too thick, but she didn't mind. All in all, she thought it looked just fine.

Her knee came to stroke his side and remind him of what she wanted from him the most. He didn't seem to want to deny her any longer either.

He grabbed the back of her knee and rose her leg higher taking his position over her.

When he entered her, he went slow, moving only a few inches in so many seconds as if he wanted her to stretch just right for his member so she would fit around him perfectly. She would almost say he was being generous and gentle with her nothing like the young man, Sam, who was her first one who shoved himself into her before she was even wet enough.

She let fingers danced against the skin on the back of his neck still holding him there. It took longer than she was used to, but she couldn't deny there was something electrical and magnificent about having someone go inside her slowly and deeper and deeper and deeper filling her completely more than ever.

Her eyes found him, and in that moment before they started it seemed like time just stopped and the air around them changed. It was heavier now yes charged with their desire and that electrical anticipation of what was to come for them, but there was also something else.

For a brief moment, Vanya thought something vulnerable and soft crossed the man's face in the dark, and he once again de-aged by a couple of years looking almost familiar.

Then he started to move and whatever thought was pushing its way into her mind got ripped apart to so many tiny pieces she couldn't possibly put them together.

He pushed her legs higher over behind his back where she crossed them both moaning from the new angle the sensation taking over both of them again.

They moved together in a rhythm so precise, Vanya would almost think they did this before many times, and knew how to work together well except she knew for a fact, she never felt this consumed by her lust, she never felt this damn _good_ by it.

The man took one of her hands and push it above her hand again pinning it down just before he hit the spot he found before.

She cried out arching off of the bed the wave coming all the way from her groin to every part of her body and back.

He looked wild like a madman or an animal let loose, and with how he was rutting into her speeding up and going deeper merciless to her cries he might as well be one.

The room was filled with the wet sounds serving as background noise to the electric pleasure that was slowly tearing her apart inch by inch.

He hit the spot again causing her to cry out and close her eyes. After that, it was as if he decided to ruin her completely as he fucked her harder and deeper than before making sure to hit the spot as often as possible.

She didn't even notice when did he let go of her wrist before she felt his fingers against her clit causing her to levitate from the bed the orgasm hitting her hard enough to faint.

It was almost too much. She was almost too sensitive everywhere, but he didn't seem to be done with her. He pushed her harder, gripping her waist hard enough to leave bruises, and thrusting into her like he wanted to fuck her into the next week.

She stopped paying attention to anything that came out of her mouth. She might have begged him. She might have called him a god. She might have said she loved him. All she knew, all that existed at that moment was the wonderful out of this world feeling of another orgasm slowly bursting its way out of her groin little by little like it was being pulled through a keyhole.

Vanya felt her whole body shake or maybe it was her doing the shaky. It was too much. She was too oversensitive everywhere. If she didn't come now, if she didn't …she didn't know what would happen.

She started to beg him to let her go silently or out loud she couldn't tell before just as she was sure she would die or fall into the most fucking amazing coma ever, another sensation ripped from her center and whipped her mind and body clean making her think she actually did die and went to heaven.

It was too much. It was too intense.

She never…she didn't…she couldn't…

It felt like forever since she started to come down from her high realizing the man was breathing next to her on the bed now no doubt catching his own orgasm around the time she got completely lost in hers.

She was still shaking on the bed and felt hyper-aware of everything. It was like her muscles got charged and something that she didn't even know was a part of her got awoken.

Her hand automatically pressed against her chest. She was breathing too hard. Could she get die of not getting enough air?

She turned to look at the man.

He was on his back with that stupidly handsome smirk, he shot her before, only this time it looked softer. It looked far more like a smile, and before she could stop herself, she rolled to her side and kissed him.

He didn't seem surprised.

His fingers curled around her hair for those brief seconds they kept their lips locked before she rolled back to the bed.

_Did that really happen?_

Finally coming back from her crash, Vanya blinked into the dark, her eyes used to it by now. She was sweaty, tired and so ridiculously well fucked, she felt like giggling. Her brain was working overtime but still remained a complete mess.

As she looked to the side at the man, who looked in a similar state of mind and feelings, she sobered up a bit realizing, the burning need and lust ran out, and now it was time for some adult post-sex awkwardness.

Her shoes and nylons were still in place. Well, one of her shoes fell off during their little activity, but she knew where it was. She knew more or less where her bra and dress were by the dresser, and assumed she could leave her panties behind. She should probably ask him though if his room was the fourth or the second one so she would know to which direction go to return to her own.

However, before she could even begin to speak and break the blissful silence, the man grabbed her elbow and rolled her to the side before pushing his palm against her back and her whole body against his chest, 'Stay a bit. No point in stumbling in the dark.'

She sighed a bit in relief and allowed her eyes to close feeling the man move his fingers over her back. It was nice, calming even, and it made Vanya feel more comfortable than she ever did after sex.

The man seemed almost touch starved before, but now even if they both calm down a bit it was like he still couldn't get enough. Like he still had to rub his fingers over her to make sure she was there.

She pressed her face against his chest and breathed in his sweaty and male smell. She didn't think there was anything better than that.

Everything felt so different now. So calm. It forced, Vanya not to even try to break the silence with some lousy chit-chat, but just to enjoy it. She felt like she was laying on a cloud with all the time in the world and no worries. She couldn't remember the last time if ever she felt this relaxed.

'Tomorrow I will be gone before you wake up,' he told her after what felt like forever, 'Don't take it personally. I have somewhere to be.'

Tomorrow was Sunday, so she doubted he had work. But she didn't know the man, so she couldn't be too sure. Anyway, she still gave him a small point to tell him upfront and not leaving her to wake up alone even if maybe if it was up to her she would do so. She had no illusion about how much of a coward she was when it came to social interactions.

His hand moved to her hair while he firmly took her other one and pressed it against his chest causing her to feel his heartbeat. It wasn't as rapid as her own which would have made her annoyed if she didn't feel so good.

She didn't even know the man's name, yet she knew for sure, she never felt more secured and good in her entire adult life than she did at that moment. It felt so good, she couldn't even bring herself to be sad about it ending in the morning. She literally couldn't bring herself to end the moment with doubts, worries, and her other negative feelings. She didn't even feel the need to ask for the man's name. How reckless and immoral was that? But then again, the man didn't even ask her for her name. Maybe it was all for the best. If she knew a name, she could try to look him up and invest too much and not take this as what it was. One night stand. A damn good one though.

The man's lips pressed against her forehead, and Vanya involuntarily closed her eyes taking in a deep breath and then sighing.

Her last thoughts before the sleep took her were that this was nice and that she could get used to it.

She almost thought she heard the man say something but didn't really care as satisfying exhaustion covered her like a soft blanket. It felt good to be alone together with someone like him in the dark.

* * *

When Vanya woke up, she was alone, the spot next to her empty but not as cold as it would have been if she slept alone through the night.

It made her smile a bit at the thought that the man stuck around long enough to leave some of his warmth behind. At least he was a bit of a gentleman when everything else about him was so sinister.

She wasn't surprised, but maybe a bit disappointed even if the man did tell her, he would be gone before she woke up.

Sighing she sank into the pillow again glancing casually to the nightstand and freezing.

_A white envelope._

Cold sweat ran over her, and she prayed that when she would open it there wouldn't be any money. If the man left her money like a prostitute she might as well go jump out of the window to stop the guilt and humiliation from tearing her apart.

She sat up the lovely feelings of relaxation and bliss over a good night gone. Her shaky hand reached for the dreading envelope trying to breathe properly as she prayed that it would be just a goodbye letter or a nice note or anything really but money.

Upon opening it, she let out a relieved breath as there was only a single piece of paper. All the worries and nervousness ran away from her leaving her once again free and remaining a bit high on the feeling the man awoke in her last night.

She fell backward against the pillow and pulled the piece of paper out wondering if it was a goodbye letter or phone number or really a final goodbye note but found something far more unexpected and confusing.

In perfectly neat handwriting he wrote a date.

_24.1.2015_

It was the only thing written on the note, and Vanya wondered for a moment why would he write a date four months from now before the realization hit her causing her to sit up once more surprised by it.

_He wanted to see her again._

Her lips formed a smile on their own, she didn't even feel the need to hid before she fell back once more breathing in what was left of his scent and warmth. Suddenly her life didn't feel so empty. She wondered how different then things would be upon waking up to the light, but now she couldn't help but feel relief and excitement for the first time in forever about the change and new possibilities that could wait for her.


	2. Chapter 2

_You are an old fool, and this will all backfire in the worse kind of way._

That was at least what Five told himself over and over again since he stepped out of that hotel room in the morning after he used _Vanya_ in a way he only allowed in his darkest fantasies.

The moment he woke up finding himself still in the room with the woman laying next to him on her stomach, he was confused and slightly irritated. It was early, but at the same time late. The assignment ended just as he predicted with a success, not that he expected anything less than perfection from him. It was easy and once he was done, he returned to his booked hotel room awaiting the blackout. A result of his plan of execution which would make the whole thing look like an accident.

The woman that appeared inside his room was a surprise if he was completely honest, but not a shock. During their conversation, he tried to analyze if she could be a trick or trap by the Commission but found no such proof. He stayed paranoid and alerted as she was a stranger who appeared inside his room, but he allowed himself to enjoy her presence. Five was a pragmatist. If life offered something to you, you should snatch it and grip it in your claws not allowing anyone else to take it away. The wasteland taught him that.

He wasn't a stranger to casual sex with people whose names he never learned. Sometimes for the job although he was a fair believer that if your last resort was sex, you weren't trying hard enough. A real master assassin should have at least 9 to 10 plans as a last resort. Sometimes, when the job was done, and he was lonely and bored not in the mood to drift in his self-loathing, he called an escort. The woman fit his type to a T. She was short, petite, fair skin, and a brunette. Usually, that was all he expected from the woman he paid for. His guilty conscience long dead after he spent years of getting off to the image of his first crush in the wasteland all alone.

However, the woman had more to her than her physical appearance. She caught his attention with how much she reminded him of Vanya, but she kept his interest by her personality. The way she spoke, the way she acted, the way she held herself. It intrigued him, but more than that aroused him. It made him hard in a matter of the few moments they spoke. He wanted her which wasn't beyond reason, but still odd. Usually, even when he was with someone he found attractive, he was better at controlling his urges. But something about the woman made it hard to focus. She looked a lot like Vanya, but there was also something inside her that seemed to appeal to his being not just body and brain.

In case her little story about accidentally ending up in his room was true, Five tried to give her a way out. He could have manipulated her from the start to stay, but he felt like he wanted to be a gentleman to her for a bit. If she wasn't sure, if she had doubts, she could have left, and he would let her. She didn't. She teased him, dared him, and asked him to come to her when he ordered her to come to him. He didn't like disobedience, but he reminded himself this wasn't a hooker he was paying by the hour. Also, the fact that she didn't listen to his every word also had its own _charm._

When he kissed her, she melted, and so did he decided that he would give her whatever she wanted not even caring if he would get equally enough in return. Now that was more than strange. But by then he was too busy getting lost in the sensation of her delicious kisses and feverish touches.

She was perfect in every way. She tasted perfectly making him get completely lost in her for the first time since he started to sleep with other people. She made him forget of Vanya. The irony was later not lost to him.

After they finished, he allowed her to stay with him for the night. Specifically told her to. He never did that. But he couldn't help but wish to delay the departure from the woman. He thought some part of him believed it was Vanya or wanted to believe, and for that one night in the dark, he told himself he would allow that weakness. He allowed himself to be gentle with the woman and himself.

When he woke up, he knew it was a mistake to stay that long as now he could potentially risk her waking up and catching him. He would rather avoid seeing her face and crushing any delusion of his secret soft side that he wished to kill a long time ago, but never could that it might have been Vanya. It would be impossible. A chance one in a million.

He got dressed and prepared for his departure in absolute silence the woman still deeply asleep.

When she turned around in her sleep, he purposely looked away, in order to avoid having to see her face. A reminded that she wasn't the woman he craved the most but knew he could never have at least based on how slowly things seemed to progress at the moment for him.

He took the briefcase and made his exit knowing he needed to go to the Commission to fill out his report and then to his apartment or to the next assignment. That was his life now as a Commission dog loyal to the bone with alcohol and one night stand to help him deal with his traumas and doubts. He still tried to get to the bottom of it. Figure out what caused the apocalypse without the Handler catching wind of it. Figuring out how to make it back to his family without putting them at risk. But it was a slow process. The only benefit was that just like in the wasteland, he had time. It was all he really needed.

He was by the door with his hand on the handle that he stopped.

_Irrational._

_Pathetic._

_Soft._

_Weak._

_Foolish._

He credited his actions with all of those things, before he put the suitcase down and made his way back to the bed the woman now on her side a few pieces of her hair covering his face blocking his view of her. It was sentimental and stupid to still believe. Five knew that, but he was a man who was trapped in hell for over forty-five years. Hope and wishing that one day he would make it out, get back to his family, see Vanya again was _all_ he used to have. It was hard to let it go. He had to let go of so many things. His dream of stopping the apocalypse, Delores, his family, and going to see Vanya. All of that at least until he would figure out _what_ caused it, and _how_ to stop it. But he still had a shred of hope that one day he would. One day he could. It kept him going on someday. It kept him sane on others.

His finger took a hold of the woman's hair. It was soft. So beautifully soft it reminded him of the times he used to lay next to her on his bed wrapping his fingers around it whenever he snuck into her room in the late-night hours. They were kids. She probably thought it was a subconscious quirk, but he knew what he was doing. He liked to touch her hair. He wanted to touch it all the time in the passing or when they were together. He wanted to touch her elsewhere even back then. Of course, his thoughts then were more childish. He wanted to take her hand in his. He wanted to try and touch her cheek. His her softly on the forehead. The older he got he wanted to try and touch her thigh and other places he only thought of alone in his room when he couldn't sleep. Five liked her even back then. He had his crush on her for as long as he could remember. So long he wondered if he always wasn't completely taken by her. He knew she was quiet. Not shy. Not the way people thought she was. She was just quiet. Selective of what she dared herself to say. It was why he liked talking to her in the dark. She seemed more open then, more talkative, more herself. He just liked her.

The moment he moved the woman's hair out of her face, he knew. He had a small worn-out copy of her book with a picture of her adult face, but even if he didn't and he met countless of women who he picked because they _reminded_ him of her, he would know. He would always recognize the girl he fell in love with before he even knew what it was to love.

She looked like an angel, but he knew she wasn't. She wasn't a pure fragile flower. He knew so since he was a kid, but she could look like one if a stranger didn't know her better. Five knew her better. He loved her all his life after all. She was Vanya nothing more but also nothing less, and nothing else matter to him.

He allowed his fingers to touch her cheek with light strokes and then dared himself to lean down and kiss her lips tenderly.

'I always thought I was the one who needed to get back to you, but it looks like you decided to meet me halfway,' he said knowing he could have woken her up, but couldn't help himself but to smirk proudly, 'Got tired of waiting, my darling? You always have an impatient tendency. You just hid it better than I did.'

A part of him wanted to wake her up then and there. The urge shook his body and caused what he suspected were tears to try and break their way through his eyes. He hadn't cried since he was twenty and in a weak moment thought about ending it all with a piece of glass and a cut wrist. Maybe it was just the shock though. But the rational side immediately kicked in reminding him of all the reasons it would be a bad idea. He needed to go before someone would check on him and realize he was late.

He needed to leave, but he couldn't. He was left paralyzed watching her face, touching her face, and knowing she was really here. He was stunned and completely chained to her to the moment knowing he had her. Last night after years of misery and secret wishes, he had her the way he always wanted, and he didn't even know it was her. He got to see her for the first time not just in ages, but also in the dark open and free to be whatever she wanted to. She didn't talk much, but everything else about her was screaming, and Five might have fallen in love with her all over again.

'If I promise to come back, will you wait for me? Just a bit longer,' he assured her and let his fingers stroke her still a bit swollen lips. She looked royally fucked, and he liked it.

The assignments couldn't be predicted, and the briefcase jumps were monitored. He knew so because from time to time he entertained himself with the idea that he would use it to make it back home, to his family, to _her_.

He found a piece of paper, a pen, and a white envelope he carried around for when he was leaving money for the escorts. He wrote a date, not too far into the future but also not close enough someone would suspect and place it on the nightstand hoping he didn't just screw everything up before he finally took a last glance Vanya's way and left. If he waited for a second longer he wouldn't be able at all.

* * *

He remained composed and calm in the elevator and all the way back to the commission to fill out his report but felt as if any moment someone would call up as him to the Handler's office. Luckily, no one did so after he was done, he retreated into his single bedroom, and rushed to the bathroom, the only room allowed with only bugs but no cameras. He turned on the water in the shower and collapsed against the door still not convinced it actually happened until he pulled out the small piece of clothing, he stole from the pile under the bed before he left for good.

He wasn't being perverse. Well, not completely, if Vanya had anything else he would take it but between the nylons, shoes, bra, and dress, Five decided stealing the panties would be the lesser evil. They still smelled like her, and in the solitude of his bathroom with no watchful eyes, he allowed himself a few moments of breathing in her scent to know that _yes,_ it did happen, and _yes,_ it was her.

Since the lights went out, and the woma- _Vanya_ stumbled into the room, even in the dark, Five could see her likeness to his favorite person and first crush growing up. She was a petite woman with dark hair and just the right amount of quietness often interpreted as shyness to draw him in, but not enough to make him annoyed with her. She was lovely, and the way, she spoke made him nostalgic wondering about Vanya and what she was doing that day. Not even in his wildest guess, he would come to the idea that she could be right there next to him even if that soft stupid part of him, he tried to kill so many times but never could, still _hoped_ it would be her.

Five rested the back of his palm with the panties inside it against his thigh and closed his eyes. He left her a date and a note. Would she show up? Would she want to? She looked satisfied. She felt and happy. Five knew Vanya. He knew her better than anyone. He read her book so many times, imagining it was a conversation between them. Delores approved. She wanted him to talk about Vanya and talk to Vanya.

_'What will be the first thing you will tell her?'_ she often asked him in her soft actress from the 60s voice, _'Tell me?'_

_'Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.'_ Was not even on the list, but it would fit even in a different scenario he supposed.

He looked at the piece of underwear re-imaging the way she wrapped her legs around him and moaned into the dark. All that for him. All of it just for him. She liked it. She liked him. She wouldn't sleep with him if she didn't. He knew she wasn't drunk or faking it. It was real, and because of that, it was even more perfect.

_It was wrong_.

Sleeping with a stranger was fine if she wanted it too, but this felt wrong. He was purposely staying away from her not to get in trouble with the Commission, he still needed to figure out the apocalypse. He still needed to save the world. He knew if he went to her, it would backfire and came to bit him into the ass. Five was smarter than that.

Sighing he recalled the way she kissed him back all passionate and wanting, dragging her hands through his body full of lust for him.

And here he was afraid if he ever did finally come back to her, she would think he was too old for her.

He brushed his face with his free hand glancing at the panties again for a moment.

' _I'm hardly done with you_ ,' he told her that before he assaulted her chest. Her body would be forever imprinted into his memory even if he never saw her again, but the thing was he didn't want that. He wanted to see her again. He wanted to fuck her again. He wanted to look into her big brown eyes and tell her it was him all along, and that he loved her. That he always loved her since before he knew what it was and what it meant.

Finally standing up and leaving his meltdown behind like a useless piece of trash, Five started to work on a plan. It was what he did best and what kept him sane throughout his whole life occasionally looking at the piece of clothing again as a reminder why it was all important in the end.

* * *

For Vanya it was roughly four months since their last time in the hotel while for Five it was a year. It was tormenting, but he couldn't do it any other way. He needed time to test it out, and time to make it look less suspicious. Before that he was without her for forty-five years waiting another year after finally getting to be with her even if just for a couple of hours wasn't so agonizing, but it was still torture. Now, he knew what she tasted like when he licked her sweaty skin. Now, he knew what she sounded like when he twisted her nipple. Now, he knew what she felt like when he pushed himself into her for the first time. Before, he could play with fantasies and faceless women he paid for the night. Now, no one could come even close to the real thing. It wasn't worth it to even try it. He took it as a game. Time was relevant in the Commission. There were people here who worked there for more than 50 years and hadn't aged a day. Mostly management though. Agents usually didn't last that long. In Five's mind when he wasn't busy with the assignment and testing it out, he was pretending to be a faithful husband with a wife at home, who was waiting for him to come back from working abroad. He didn't need mistresses or hookups. He just wanted her. He just needed her. Once he came back he would unwrap her like the perfect welcome back present. Barely any time had passed for him, but it still felt like it couldn't come fast enough. Her panties had long since lost her scent even if he tried to savor it for the longest of times.

He made sure he did it right. The bugs happened on numerous of briefcases not all that he used and not only those he used. It was random. But from time to time a briefcase would make a jump into a different year before returning to the headquarters. No one knew how to fix it. No one knew how it happened.

_'Why not ask the person who makes them?'_ asked Five watching Herb as he came back from his report to the Handler, ' _Oh, he doesn't know either, but it was one of the things he listed that could happen so it's not like we're all completely shocked. Better than body dysmorphia though.'_

Five grimaced almost smirked. He liked Herb. He was a pencil pusher but not cunning like the Handler or others. He found it odd that the person who invented the suitcase and worked in down in the secret lab predicted the bug, but didn't have time or possibility at the moment to get there and investigate it further. If it became a problem, he would deal with it, but for now, he had to work on other things. More important things.

So he waited twelve months and four days before he finished another assignment, and set the bug to take him to 24th of January 2015. For the Commission log, he was still at the last assignment and the bug jump would have appeared just temporarily a few seconds as the others.

He took the same hotel room since he pre-ordered it before his departure, and went there to wait for her.

He couldn't be sure she would show up. She had every right not to. But like with everything in his life that concerned Vanya, he _hoped_.

He turned on the lights off once the sun properly set down and waited. It seemed better than he did, more fitting if he wanted to avoid her knowing it was him. Over the course of the year, he thought about it a lot. He could have told her, but it would lead to more questions. Questions he couldn't answer without scaring her. Questions he couldn't answer without her wanting to help him somehow. Questions a part of him never wanted her to ask or know the answers to terrified she would despise him for what he did.

He found it a fitting punishment for a person like him, to love and crave someone as much as he did Vanya, but know he would _never_ deserve her.

Perhaps, if she didn't come it would be better. What could a young woman like her with her whole life ahead need from an old bitter man like him?

Unfortunately for her, Five's time in wasteland only accelerated his selfishness and greediness. He would always want her, and now after having her even for a moment, he would always make up ways to have her again. _Always_.

When the door opened his heart speeded up as if he was surprised. As if he didn't hope and expected the door would open which was the reason he let it unlocked with a piece of paper stuck to it so she wouldn't need a key.

He brushed his palms against his pants hoping they wouldn't get sweaty. He already slept with her. He touched her in places he only dreamed of. He already knew it was her. He had no reason to be this nervous about it all. But he was. He was an idiot, and he loved her.

Once she came into the room, she jumped a bit just like last time. It seemed he wasn't the only one almost expecting the other not to show up.

'I'm sorry,' he said again knowing he meant for so much more than scaring her again.

If it was possible Five wanted to stop the time around them in order to capture this very moment knowing he could be this close to her see her stunned at her presence at the fact that she was real and here. He dreamed of it, but he didn't think it would come true. He had hope, but he was never hopeful. He lost too much and gave up even more. But here she was standing in front of him. His dream come true. It was overwhelming in a way, even if it was nothing compared to the other things he did to her.

She let out a soft chuckle and shook her head. He left the blinds open enough to have some light, but not enough to make out exact colors which was a pity. He would enjoy to see her face and eyes properly right now. Her eyes used to have the most appealing chestnut color, he loved to watch whenever she got excited or happy just especially if it was because of something he did.

'I need to get used to that. Stranger men in the dark,' she said and brushed a few pieces of her hair behind her ear.

He frowned a bit at the thought of her meeting other men while she was meeting him even if he had no right to. They were strangers in the hotel room meeting for sex. She could have a boyfriend or boyfriends. But he didn't like that. He was jealous and selfish and even if he couldn't erase all the handprints of the people who touched her before him, he wanted to and would if it was possible.

He lowered his voice, 'Maybe you shouldn't. Not all men deserve it.'

She looked at him, and he wondered if he offended her somehow mentally cursing for his lack of tact and anything close to control when it came to her. _Only to her_. It started when they were kids, and never faded. He always wanted to spent time with her even if dad warned them all not to get distracted even if he knew he would cause her problems more than himself. He couldn't help it. And she foolishly never sent him away no matter the consequences desperate for attention, desperate for a connection, for a friend. He would like to think she was desperate for him, and it wouldn't be the same if someone else showed her the same attention he did. She wouldn't open up the same way she did for him even with this. Even in a dark hotel room with a stranger.

'Maybe just one man,' she said her voice a whisper in the dark but louder than a shout. Her answer that made him feel incredibly pleased wanting to kiss her as a reward just because of it. He was right. She didn't open up just to anyone. He still knew her. He still fit with her. She still wanted him even if she didn't know it was him. Somehow it matted more because of it. Stripped from everything, from their past, their names, his blood, her darkness, their mistakes, their good deed, and everything in between just two souls in the dark, she still wanted to be with him, chose to come to him careless and reckless knowing nothing of him and not bothered by it. It made him feel something that went even beyond his love for her and his need to save the world to know someone could fit with him that perfectly in the absolute base of the essence of who he was.

He stood up and walked toward her not able to stay away from her any longer, and to keep her waiting any longer, 'I'm sorry, I was being rude.'

She looked away for a second almost as if she was shy before she looked back looking straight at his face. No, his Vanya was never shy. She was careful, quiet, and selective. She knew what she wanted, people just had to try harder enough to hear her say it.

'I'm sure you can make it up to me,' she told him. Her voice was quiet, but her personality and character weren't. She hid it. She didn't talk to just anyone. She didn't talk about important or real things with just anyone. But she did with him when they were children and even the night one year ago. He could feel it even if her words didn't point to anything. He could tell.

Her gaze made him burn alive just knowing she was looking like that at him of all the people she could have. She was young. She was pretty. He knew so based on her book cover but then he actually saw her in the morning in the afterglow of their night, and he couldn't help but think she was the most beautiful woman he ever saw.

When he stopped in front of her, it hit him how small she was. She was wearing boots today, but the heels were shorter than they were on her shoes before. She was wearing a winter jacket and a dress underneath. Her nylons were ripped. He noticed the hole that was a lighter color than her original of the material.

Over the course of the year, he thought about meeting her again a lot. He imagined how would it go and what would they do. He came to the conclusion that talking was pointless if they were pretending to be strangers meeting for sex. He couldn't stay. Not for too long. Not for long enough to be characterized as a decent boyfriend. Not for as long as she would deserve if he was acting as someone more than a man she had sex with every couple of months. It wasn't that he didn't wish to talk to her. He did, and he would gladly, but he couldn't. He couldn't talk about the Commission and the end of the world. Not right now. Not when it was too soon, and he still didn't know how to stop it. He figured if he couldn't be honest with her he shouldn't ask of her to be honest with him. He came to terms that _this_ , saving sex with her would be the only thing he could get from her right now. A reward and punishment in his core. He could have her, but not completely, not all of her. He could see her, touch her, kiss her but not for too long, and not the way she would expect something more from him. It had to be clear. He didn't want her to suffer. He didn't want to break her heart again. He knew he did the first time. He could sense it from her book. He couldn't put her through that again.

He bent a bit to press his finger against her skin through the hole on her nylons carefully circling it.

She looked down and took a bit at her lower lips. She really did intend for him to lose it, didn't she?

'I caught the side of a seat on the subway,' she admitted but kept her eyes on his fingers as he continued to circle the hole on the nylons. Did she imagine he would use the same fingers inside her in a bit? He certainly did. A better man would have tried to talk to her. Ask her about her life. Ask her why she was here and why she came back after the first time. Five wasn't a good man. He knew she was alright. That much he knew. He knew she made it this far and would until 2019 and that was enough. He couldn't ask her anything she wasn't comfortable enough to share with a stranger, and he couldn't allow her to know who he was. This was just how things were. And if he told himself this with a firm and confident voice, he almost believed it. Sex and intimacy were easier. More primal. It involved less thinking in the meantime and whatever guilt and doubts came afterward he could always wipe away with alcohol and more work.

He used to think he would give up _anything_ just to get back to her. He never thought the price would be not to let her know who he was.

'I appreciate the effort,' he said recognizing his voice growing hoarse just by being this close to her, just by being able to touch her, 'But I would feel better knowing you were warm and not in danger of potential creeps lurking at you.'

This caused her to look up her gaze steady, 'I'm a big girl, remember? I'm tough.' He remembered. She told him she wasn't fragile, and he shouldn't be afraid about breaking her. He knew that. He always knew that. No one would endure what Vanya did in their house, under their father's watchful eye. No one just Vanya. She was the strongest of them all, and no one even knew but him and her.

'I know,' he leaned his head down to her, 'I can tell. It would just make me feel better. I can book you another room or you can come here sooner and wait for me next time. It would give you time to…,' his eyes purposely moved from her face down through her body all the way to her feet, 'doll up for me. But I prefer you naked the most.'

He heard the way she gasped and felt the shiver that ran through her. His words were carefully chosen. He wanted her to know he wished to see her again, would make arrangements whatever she would find comfortable and that he liked her effort, but liked her the most undressed anyway, 'You're stunning.'

The only misfortune of the lack of light apart from missing out on the color of her eyes was not being able to see her blush. It didn't happen often and being embarrassed didn't count. He wanted to see that blush she only ever got when they moved their heads at the same time so close it got her eyes to fall at his lips and up so quickly it was over before he could even try to imagine of leaning closer. Her cheeks then went light pinkish color which was clear to see since her skin was always pretty fair. He recalled that moment many times in the apocalypse. He should have kissed her then. He would regret it until his last dying breath that he didn't that day. It was a week before he left.

He wouldn't make the same mistake now.

'Thank you,' she whispered looking at him, he moved his fingers into to hole and started to drag them up to her leg feeling that the skin wasn't as cold as he expected probably because she was warming up in his presence as well.

The fabric started to rip the higher his fingers went while his eyes once again remained on her face watching as her lips parted ever so slightly and her breathing increased. She liked it.

'I mean it,' he assured her getting hard fascinated by the way she opened her mouth a bit wider as he got under her dress and then to the side of her thigh all the way to her panties where he gently pressed them against her womanhood.

'I know,' she said her voice a bit high-pitched and startled.

He smirked in satisfaction proud at himself that he had this effect on her.

He leaned down and kissed her so lightly it was barely there. His lips just sort of brushed hers as tenderly as a snowflake before it was gone melted into water. At the same time, his fingers pressed against her again causing her to raise for a moment meeting his lips for another soft kiss. She tasted deliciously just like last time. Like a special treat he hadn't had since he was a little boy, but wanted all his life again. So delicious. Like a happy childhood memory but wrapped in the ecstasy of his first crush's tight pussy. Five was always a man of peculiar tastes after all. A wasteland would do that to a person.

'D-do…do you plan to tease me all day?' she was shivering now and her voice shook. He liked to think he made it hard for her to think which was very flattering to his ego considering he barely touched her.

He moved his index and middle finger feeling her panties getting soaked now. She wanted him a lot. Probably thought about it the whole ride overcrossing her legs on the subway. The thought alone made it enough for Five to lose his composure already hard in his pants. But he wouldn't give in. Not yet. He wanted to play with her a bit. He wanted to make it good for her. Better than last time. Better than anyone ever had or could. No one knew her like he did. No one could understand her like he did. No one loved her and wanted to make her feel good as much he did.

'Just the night, I'm afraid,' he said and kissed her again pulling at her lower lip feeling her chest pressed against his as her legs were giving up.

His fingers speeded up watching as she closed her eyes letting the sensation slowly take her away, 'But believe me if it was up to me, I would have you for longer than that.'

'Oh yeah?' she asked and tried to chuckle, but it came out breathless as his fingers continued to stroke her through her wet panties digging in deeper now which caused her to feel it more.

'I week, a month, a year,' he said and kissed her again tasting her shaky increased breathing as her body fully pressed against him her knee hitting his leg and her hand taking a grip on his shoulder.

He moved his other free hand to steady her, 'Or two.'

She opened her eyes his fingers moved faster trying harder to get her to lose more control enjoying the way her eyes looked even darker now filled with shameless lust and need, 'And what would you do with me for that long?'

He moved his lips toward her ear and with smirking whispered, 'Think of the filthiest thing you can imagine that ever turned you on and multiply it by it a hundred you might get the first week.'

Her mouth produced a thick, hot, animal-like sound that made him fall in love with her all over again in the nastiest way.

Feeling smug which did no good for the people who already thought his ego was gigantic he pulled his fingers out from under her dress and now ripped completely nylons almost smiling at the whinny sound she let out, 'What-?'

'Patience,' he told her and started to unbutton her winter jacket, 'I did tell you, I preferred you naked, didn't I?'

He chuckled at the _annoyed_ look she shot him, 'You…you're unbelievable.'

'You don't think that,' he told her as he finished the last button, and she carefully stepped away from him. His body missed the contact immediately, but he tried to remind his brain she was still here. She didn't disappear anywhere.

She watched him for a moment. He would prefer she stayed lustful the whole time, but he knew he could just as easily get back into it. Her eyes were more focus now carefully examining him. He wondered if she thought he looked familiar. He hoped she did. Not just because of that small soft part that hoped she would recognize him, but because it felt good knowing she liked him all the more because he reminded her of him, 'You find me charming, and handsome.'

His hands pulled the jacket off her shoulders. She wore a dark dress again that fit her perfectly. She looked almost naked. He was glad the jacket hid the view from others although he wouldn't mind having her as an arm candy every once in a while to make others jealous. It was quite a dilemma he decided to leave for some other evening before he went to toss the jacket over a nearby chair, 'Isn't it why you came?'

He put his palm against her neck allowing his thumb to stroke it all the while she watched his face. He didn't have a clue what she was thinking.

His hand moved lower through her chest feeling the outline of her bra and then nothing but the skin underneath the fabric until he caught the waistline of the ripped nylons. She was incredibly fit and skinny it made his head dizzy as he realized he would get to see her naked again, 'Dressed like this?'

She licked her lips and let one of her hands touched his chest moving all the way to his pants where she shamelessly stoked his erection her eyes still on his. It thrilled him that she was watching him all the time. It showed him just how brave and daring she could be. Open about her self and what she wanted, 'You are handsome. Very silver fox.'

He needed to close his mouth tighter and take a deep breath as she returned the favor he did a moment ago by stroking his member through the clothes, 'You can be charming or at least I think you are.'

Her lips trembled a bit before she admitted his heartbeat fastening and his control slipping as she unzipped him, 'I think you could be a jerk too.'

'You…you like jerks,' he said, and she stepped closer shaking her head.

_Liar._

She liked him.

He knew she did, and he used to be the second biggest jerk she knew right after their father, the original asshole.

He must have revealed something that told her he didn't buy it because she raised her brows and gave him a firm look, 'Not in real life.'

His hands went to the ending of her dress knowing she could easily get it off without the zipper, 'This isn't real life, is it, darling?'

Even in the dark, he knew that comment made her blush her eyes losing focus again.

He pressed his forehead against hers as her hand cupped him through the boxers now.

His groan was impulsive, but her hold was firm and yet delicate. He couldn't help himself.

He started to pull her dress up revealing her legs and then slowly stomach while she continued to stroke him both of them breathing hard at the moment, 'It's a hotel room, and we're just two…strangers.'

He kissed her before risking blurring something out. It seemed easier inside his head to lie when her hand wasn't on his dick.

This kiss was a proper one passionate and hungry. He wanted to feel her lips properly. He wanted to taste her properly. It felt too good. It felt perfect. It felt like the first good meal after fasting for so long you forgot that good food could even exist. He doubted it would ever feel differently. He doubted he would ever want it to feel different.

He broke the kiss enough to pull the dress out of the way and toss it away kissed her again harder, meaner, deeper while digging his fingers greedily into her hair with one hand and exploring her naked skin with the other. She was just perfect, and it was enough to fuck him up every time he thought of her.

His hands moved to the back of her thighs where he easily picked her up feeling the same softness he did when he first noticed how petite she was, 'Still tiny I see.'

She let out a startled noise in the back of her throat from the sudden movement but quickly threw her arms around his neck calming down.

'It's been just four months,' she giggled, 'Not enough time to grow up.'

'Don't remind me,' he told her instead of what his brain almost wanted to.

_It's been longer than that_.

She stroked his face all of the sudden her own face looking gentler and kind just like he remembered her. She looked daring before yes, but also lonely. So lonely. He hoped meeting him like this took some of it away. It did take a lot of the same loneliness from him.

'What is it?' he asked her searching her dark eyes.

She smiled. It was brilliant. He wanted to reach out and touch that smile, kiss it, lick it to know how it tasted like against his lips against his tongue.

'You seem happier,' she said letting her own smile settle against her lips for a while. He knew he was smiling as well, 'I was looking forward to this.'

_I missed you for decades, can you even imagine?_

Her fingers were gentle against his face light like feathers and her eyes so warm they made him feel like he was a man living in the North Pole and for the first time ever he wasn't shivering at all just comfortably warm inside a home where he was taken care of and loved.

It was tempting. More tempting than anything else to blur it all out. To say his name, unwrap the bandage on his wrist and show her his tattoo. It was tempting to get lost in the way she looked at him, to come back home. He almost gave in.

'My apologies,' he said tried to force his own smile a bit down as carried her to the bed, 'I'm a bit reckless today. I believe I wanted to take care of you all night tonight,' he told her as he sat her down on the edge of the bed kissing her to shut his mouth and secrets up.

She kissed him back her fingers moving through his hair to the back of his head moaning when he pulled her lower lip.

'I like it when you carry me,' she said when they broke the kiss before she giggled and looked away. She was adorable.

'I like to carry you around,' he said and stroked her lips with his thumb, 'I like everything about you.'

She gave him a look, her smile turning a bit bitter. She didn't believe him. Of course, she didn't. She didn't know he meant it. She didn't know who he was and how well he knew her. She didn't know him at all.

He moved his thumb against her cheek and kissed her again for a moment before he gave her a steady look, 'Do you believe I could have seduced or had her ordered any other woman I could want?'

He could tell the question surprised her. It was a sharp thing to ask that came out of nowhere which Vanya wasn't prepared for. He almost felt guilty for startling her like that and asking in the first place before she nodded almost hypnotized by him, 'Yes.'

'Do you believe that I want you?' he asked looking into her eyes with confidence she would be able to read clearly now. She looked so small now, vulnorable and open wide to everything like never before.

She nodded again her lips trembling but her eyes steady, 'Yes.'

The corner of his lips twisted into a smirk, 'Then don't give me fake smiles. Give me the real thing or don't bother. Cheap imitations are just that. Imitations,' he said and watched as the surprised look on her pretty face turned into an understanding one before she smiled again. This time it was her real smile before she raised her eyebrows in a way that made him shiver in anticipation right back. Two apparently could play that game, 'You promised me to make up for something before, remember?'

'Oh, yes,' he assured her and kissed her again getting lost in the feeling of her deliciously swollen lips against his and fingers tangled in his hair as he slowly moved the hand that wasn't stroking her cheek to her back to unhook her bra.

She pulled her hands away to help him out and then pulled it down before he laid her on the bed instantly moving the spare hand to caress her breast and tease her nipple enjoying the breathy sounds and moans he could swallow with his lips while they started to slowly grind their lower bodies against one another.

He broke the kiss to allow her to moan to echo in the darkroom feeling proud about being able to do something like that.

He moved lower to her neck and the side of her ear where he remembered she was especially sensitive. The change was rapid as her knees rose to hug his body between them and her moan turned into a soft cry. Good, but he wanted to hear a louder one.

He moved lower through her chest leaving wet open mouth kisses everywhere he could like crumbs to find his way back to her lips as if he needed that.

The one thing that annoyed him a bit in the women he ordered to fulfill his fantasy of Vanya was that most of them had their breasts done making it hard for him to even pretend he was with her in the first place. Vanya's chest was small but still a handful. Her breasts were perfect, and as he moved his mouth over her nipple biting it hard enough to make her cry out and grab his hair roughly he enjoyed every moment he got to spent exploring them and teasing her.

The noises she was making were threatening his control and sanity, but when she started to grind against him harder she was definitely pushing the line on how much he could handle.

'You're gorgeous, do you believe me?' he asked while letting his thumb and index finger twist her swollen nipple mercilessly. It wasn't fair to ask her now, he knew that, but he couldn't help himself taking a moment to see the frown on her face as she tried gripped sheets harder feeling the stimulation he was giving her.

She let out a sound like a little animal but tried to nod so he accepted it and started to move lower. She was truly stunning. One of a kind. Just for him. Just his. She was soft and warm and perfect. Just perfect.

He ripped the top of the nylons enough to leave her thighs naked and panties the only piece of clothing in the way between him and her pussy.

He moved lower toward that last piece of clothing then and started to kiss the inside of her thigh lightly biting the skin there in the process.

Everything felt charged and thrilling just like the first time except now he didn't just want to make her feel good. He wanted to make her have the best night of her life. He wanted her to beg for it over and over again. He wanted her to never want another man to touch her but him. Just him.

He was hard enough not to come from just being in her presence.

His fingers moved to the zipper on her left boot which was the first time she spoke slowly raising by her elbows to look at him, 'I thought you liked it when I had my shoes on.'

He threw it somewhere behind him and pressed a small kiss against her ankle, 'Tonight I want you completely naked. What do you say?'

She grinned softly. All Vanya's smirks and grins were soft enough to pass for a smile. She was the perfect honey trap all soft and sweet looking hiding something a bit more dangerous and darker inside. Clever of her.

'As long as you're naked too, I can deal with it,' she said playfully, and he smirked amused a bit as he got rid of the other boot, 'Patience, my dear.'

He pulled her panties and what was left of her nylons down, and took a hold of her waists pushing her body more to the head of the back.

She was still breathing faster looking at him her eyes wide and her skin covered with sweat that made her fair skin look darker. She was waiting for him to begin probably remembering how good he made her feel last time. Craving it all this time. They were both suffering by their separation in more ways than one.

Five took a moment to look at her. She was a piece of art, and she was here. Really here laying on the bed all naked for him. He saw her before. He dreamed of her for a year. It wasn't the same. Having her really here was beyond any possible dream, fantasy, or memory. She was real. She was really here and so was he, and it changed everything. The air felt different. He was still hard. He still wanted her, but he also felt soft for her. His chest felt tight looking at her and feeling just how much she meant for him, just how much he cared for her. He felt fucked up before he even got the chance to enter her all because she was here and she was Vanya.

He felt her hand touch his wrist and then move higher up his sleeve all the way to his shoulder where she squeezed him to get his attention looking a bit worried, 'Hey.'

He offered her a weak smile this time breathing out a bit harder not by how aroused he was but how shaken he felt all of the sudden, 'Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.'

She sat up and touched his face looking into his eyes concerned for him, not herself he realized. Classic Vanya always putting others before her, 'You didn't. You make me feel wanted like… _I'm the only woman in the world_ wanted.'

He stared at her surprised that he did. He thought he would be better at hiding it, but then again, he didn't really want to hide it. He wanted to make her feel good. He wanted her to feel beautiful and perfect because she was. He wasn't an idiot. He wasn't making a fantasy. He knew all her flaws, but even those he simply found perfect because they were hers. _That_ was how much he loved her. To the point that he was obsessed, possessed, and shameless about it.

She kissed him softly letting him calm down just by the simple act of her kindness tasting the pure nature of her soul before she asked, 'You look a bit… stunned though.'

He stroked her side with the back of his fingers soundly almost like he wanted to tickle her, but she was apparently too concerned about him to even notice.

Five sighed still looking wondering if maybe there wasn't another part of him that still didn't think it was all unreal. A dream crafted in his insane by loneliness and isolation mind still stuck in the wasteland.

'Just amazed someone as you could one want me,' he finally said knowing he couldn't pull up a decent smile no matter how hard he would try.

She shook her head with a confused look, but not in a way that would upset him or make him feel like she didn't understand what he meant, ' _Why_?' She stroke his cheek with care no one showed him since he was thirteen. No one, not even the woman he had been with touched him the way, Vanya did, whether she knew it was him or not, 'You're handsome, charming a bit of a jerk. A good lover,' she said and laughed a bit realizing it sounded silly. Now she was definitely blushing.

He grinned upon hearing that sound. She laughed the same. He should have noticed before, but he was too busy being a horny dog.

His fingers brush her side some more before he started to push her down on the sheets again. She let him still looking at him curiously, but both of them felt the heat and the lust around them. Both still wanted to, he could tell, and so could she.

Five pushed her legs apart taking a moment to breathe her in. He missed her smell to the point his toes curled the moment it hit him again. He took his time the first night. He intended to do the same now and every other night they would get.

He easily bent her knees and got her legs over his shoulders feeling the heat and wetness coming from smirking like the bastard that he was knowing it was because of him.

He kissed her center and then moved his lips higher until he pressed them directly at her clit. He felt her whole body jolted for a moment upon his touch coming alive in every single place he hadn't yet awake with his touches and kisses.

His hands held onto her thighs to keep her still as he started to suck onto her taking pleasure in the erotic love song of noises her pretty and swollen lips were making that might as well be his new favorite melody.

He licked her clit one more time before he looked up at her knowing she would let out that hurt animal-like noise confused about why he stopped, 'You need to be still for me now, darling. I want to make you feel good.'

She raised her head enough to look at him and pulled inside her lower lip to bit it before she said, 'You already make me feel good.'

'Well, then I want to make you feel fucking fantastic,' he said with a smirk before he winked at her and went down to work his lips against her clit while one of his hands moved into Vanya's center. He started late, but he was alone for forty-five years, so it wasn't really his fault. When he got out and started to sleep with women, he learned a lot of things, but usually didn't really put their needs above his own even when he pretended they were Vanya.

With her during that first night, he felt possessed. Those noises. Those sweet needy noises, big eyes shaky lips, and petite body were too much of him. He wanted to make her feel good. He found himself wanting to make her feel good. He did. He knew he did. He was cocky, yes, but he had the right to be. Even when he didn't know it was her, he decided to try and put to use some of the things he learned diving into her seeking her sweet spot feeling like not many men before he managed.

She was so sensitive responding to every touch, kiss, and lick. Her sounds made him hornier and hornier.

He curled his fingers inside her. She was warm, wet, and velvet on the inside. Utterly gorgeous and he would never get enough of touching, tasting, and fucking her there. It took him a moment to find the place but once he did her pelvis moved off the bed, and she cursed into the dark around them her hands moving.

He smirked to himself and leaned back down sucking onto her clit while his fingers moved against the hither he found inside her causing her to toss around panting and crying out.

'I think I told you to stay still,' he said darkly not really upset but feeling thrilled when she stopped moving and nodded, 'Yes, _please_ , don't stop.'

He smirked and kissed her pelvis softly looking down between her lips as he casually moved his finger inside her again over the spot, 'Only if you'll be a good girl and stop moving.'

Her gasp sounded surprised and heavy, and when he looked up, he could see it affected her causing her mouth to open and close helplessly as she panted. She looked pretty on the edge of an orgasm. She loved even prettier after a couple of more.

He pressed against the place and she almost cried out, 'Yes, _please_ , I…I won't move.'

'Good girl,' he said, and he felt her push her feet hard against his back and the bed for better pressure to avoid moving.

He sucked onto her again and this time matched it to the way he moved his fingers while he still tried to hold her down with one hand on her leg. He couldn't be too cruel to her.

She started to respond immediately just like before. He was pretty sure even if the woman didn't turn out to be Vanya he would still think of her fondly for that alone. She was sensitive and responsive like no other women before her, not that he tried to make so many others before her to feel this good, and Five loved it. Her movies and noises were amazing, and he pushed himself further and further sucking onto her clip and drowning in the wetness that was spreading from her like the happiest man on earth.

'Oh-oh-GOD! I'm coming. I'm coming!' she screamed trashing on the bed practically levitating completely ignorant to her promise to stay still not that she really promised him anything.

When she came, she came hard, her walls tighter enough around his fingers threatening to suck him in making him close his eyes in bliss and his precum probably ruining his boxers just imaging how good his dick would feel in a couple of moments.

'Hm, not very still was it?' he asked not really expecting an answer, and licked his chin, 'Let's try again.'

'Huh?' she asked dumbly, the look inside her eyes clouded and her voice whole body still shaking. He showed no mercy making her come again, sucking unto her hard and touching her where she needed it the most enjoying every one of her moans, cries, and words until the second wave hit her.

'FIVE! PLEASE!' she screamed like a banshee for a second raising her hips from the bed again before she fell down moving against his hand involuntarily as if she was having a feverish dream her body possessed taken by pleasure.

Her legs muffled some things, but this he heard loud clear.

Carefully he looked up at her as she threw a hand over her face still shaking from in the aftermath probably not even sure what she said in the first place, 'How did that feel?'

She tossed the hand away but needed a moment to speak up her words stumbling over her pants coming out incompressible until she closed her eyes again and took in a deep breath, ' _Fantastic_.'

He moved away to take in her face, careful to make sure he would spot any sign of recognition or like she was hiding something, but not seeing anything. It was involuntarily. Just something people said when their mind blacked out. She didn't really know it was him.

Again the dilemma between being disappointed and glad arouse, but he pushed it away brushing her sweaty cheek with feeling tenderness for her wondering with how many other partners she looked for him and realizing he wasn't the only one who had more than platonic feelings toward her growing up, 'You did well, darling. Still moved a lot, but better than last time.'

She opened her eyes and leaned up to kiss him. It was feverish and needy but short as her breathing was still rapid, and she needed more air. He liked her like this. Ruined just for him.

Her hands gripped his shirt roughly before she whispered firmly, 'Take them off.'

He kissed her cheek slowly and leaned away to work on his shirt while she sat up and finished of what she started with his pants before, 'Someone's impatient.'

She shook her head and kissed him again pulling the shirt off him as the pants fell down. Her kisses were hungry and ecstatic pulling his mind away from whatever it meant that she said his name egoistically hoping it meant she always thought of him during sex. The kissing helped to distract him from wanting to tell her, but when her hand went into his boxers, and she started to work on him again with her firm yet soft hands, it became a problem.

'Sweetheart,' he said breaking the kiss stroking her naked back, 'With how close I am to come right now, that's not helping.'

'I want to make you feel good too,' she said and kissed him again pumping him faster until he caught her wrist, 'Next time.'

'Somehow I doubt you would let me,' she said with a smirk. It suited her to be this happy and horny. He wanted to see her more like this, 'Too much of a gentleman.'

'If I said only for you, would you believe me?' he asked not really expecting an answer as he pulled her wrist away from his painfully throbbing cock.

He got the boxers off and tossed the clothes away leaving onto the bandage on his wrist and spare condom in his hand before he put it on.

'What happened there?' she asked nodding at his wrist.

'Bad burn,' the lie tasted funny inside his mouth for a moment. However, he was a horny old man, so when she pressed against him, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her again forgetting all about it and filling his taste receptors with much nicer tastes.

He felt drunk with her and drunk with his feelings for her getting lost in the sensation before he pushed her down on the bed again.

His eyes roamed her body again taking it in one last time, imprinting it into his memory for however long he would have to be apart of her again before he grabbed her hips and pushed himself into her much faster than he did during their first time.

Both of them let out a groan his hands marking her skin with how hard he had to hold her so he wouldn't come right away just from the deliriously good feeling of being inside her. If she was velvet against his fingers, she was satin now all warm and soft taking him in so well while closing her eyes and pushing her head against the bed.

'You good?' he asked his voice tense as he was holding into the last bits of control with how good it felt to be inside her.

She let out a shuttered breath and nodded carefully raising her skinny legs and then hugging his sides pulling him closer to her than before their bodies touching everywhere, they could. Both were hot, sweaty, and desperate for the other.

When Vanya's eyes opened, they were as dark as the night around them filled with hungry he felt inside him since she first walked into the room. He wanted to devour her whole. He wanted to ravish her until she couldn't control herself anymore. He wanted her to always look at him with the lust she was in right now.

'I will be once you finally move already,' she said breathlessly just as affected as he was slowly taking the matter into her own hands and moving against him ruining what last pieces of control he was holding onto for _her_ sake.

He leaned down on his elbow cursing against her neck before he said, 'Bossy woman,' he licked her lips tasting salty of the sweat falling down her face, 'You weren't like that last time.'

'You were faster last time,' she mumbled and bit his chin before she grinned at him revealing all her white teeth to him. She was enjoying this. She was happy.

Her hands moved to his back while her eyes kept on his, 'Move, move, _please_ ,' she said her voice low and desperate, and who was he to deny her.

Five let his teeth grasp her lips softly before he pushed himself into her completely causing her to let out a deep startled moan closing her eyes, 'Please. More.'

He pulled out of her almost all the way and went right back in feeling her nails digging into his skin. He hoped she would leave marks he would be able to see in his bathroom mirror at least for the next few days. A nice reminder.

It was the last thing that crossed his mind before he started to properly jerk into her. She immediately responded back, and the synch of their moves was too much for Five to try and stay rational. Just like before he turned into a mindless beast holding her tight and down as he fucked her against the hotel room bed driven by every beautiful sound she made. They moved in perfect harmony which was bizarre given that they only did it once before, and Vanya didn't even know who he was, but they did. Five was in a trance. He often had good sex, but this was different. This was like every one of his erotic fantasies coming true simply by the fact that the main actress was Vanya.

He picked her into his arms and slowly sat up with her without losing the rhythm or pulling out of her completely.

She looked surprised but let him crying out when the new position helped him find her sweet spot.

He kissed her cheek and let one of his hands lean her away enough that he could get his free hand between them to rub her clit.

'GOD!' she cried out louder holding into him for dear life. She looked beautiful. Everything about her felt beautiful and amazing, and it was Five's greatest restrain that he didn't tell her he loved her right then and there pushing his throbbing cock into her harder and faster feeling every move of her walls against him losing himself in the sensation of being with her, fucking her, loving her and just- _her._

Vanya pressed her head against his shoulder now digging her fingers into the side of his neck panting against his hot skin while occasionally kissing and biting it mumbling nonsense as he pushed them both further and further toward the edge of the cliff. The whole room was hot through their constant panting almost humid by their gasps, moans, and sounds of his cock diving into her wetness over and over again.

The darkness around them served as a curtain dividing them from the rest of the world. They could be alone. They could be themselves. Their rawest and primal selves dancing by their own steps of their love and attraction.

'Does it feel good, darling?' he breathed into her ear pressing his thumb so firmly against her nub it must have hurt, 'Does it feel good? Tell me. Say it!'

'YES!' she tried to urge him to go faster with her hips, 'It feels amazing. Please! Please! Don't stop! Don't ever stop!' she begged almost sobbing even more lost than he was which was only because his need to make her feel good and come first went beyond his own urges.

He let go of her and grabbed her neck forcing her to look at him before he locked her lips and tongue in a filthy kiss without pausing their dance.

They almost died from suffocation before he finally broke the kiss untangling her legs from him and pushing away from her, ignorant of her protests before he sat her up on top of him.

'Do whatever you want to me,' he told her like it was a command.

'Huh?' she blinked her eyes unfocussed. She was already so close it was torture to want some meaningful thinking from her now. She was breathtaking. Completely breathtaking.

'Take whatever you want from me,' he said and guided her to take him letting out a groan at the feeling of her like this.

_Because it's you. It's you. I would give you anything you would ever want! Anything you could ever ask for! Don't you get it? Can't you see it?_

She licked her lips and leaned a bit lower closer to him like she still needed to be as close as possible to him before they started to move again. She was a goddess on top of him stroking his chest while getting herself off with his cock. She took control of the moves and speed. She showed him what she liked. She did what she liked, and she took what she wanted. She looked powerful. She looked just like he always saw her.

Five might have died and gone to heaven by accident. No way, his rotten soul could deserve this. No way, he could have her here in his arms on top of him looking like a dream come true.

His fingers started to rub her clit again memorizing every second, every moment, every sound, and every movement to drown in them later when they would be apart until he felt the way her walls closed around him and her body froze.

The cry Vanya let out was unlike anything he heard from her before. It was so raw and dark. It was absolutely enchanting forcing him to roll her against the bed while she was still coming.

Five rose her legs to spread her wider and started to jerk into her like he was possessed determined to make her come one more time and himself chasing the feeling while looking at what he did to her proudly and happily and in love-

When her eyes opened looking at him, and even in the dark, he could see behind them just what he was doing to her was when he finally allowed all that pressure inside him to break out whipping his mind and taking him with her on the wave of their mutual release over the edge of the cliff they had been holding onto so desperate to last longer knowing it would feel better if they did.

It was like someone snapped their fingers and erased not only Five's mind but also his essence and existence leaving him floating in the absolute euphoria of for probably the second time in his entire life feeling _this_ happy with the only thing existing in that blissful paradise of release, _Vanya._

It felt like ages until he came back to himself. His heart was beating so hard he might as well die any second of a heart attack.

When he realized he was laying on top of her, he quickly started to raise up worried he might crush her, but she took a hold of his arm and shook her head still panting just as hard as him like a little animal, 'S-stay, please…just for a bit.'

He moved some of his weight but continued to lay on top of her looking into her dark eyes feeling with his entire existence himself falling in love with her all over again. She was sweaty and her hair was a mess. Her lips were swollen, and her pupils were large even in the dark. She was absolutely perfect. He felt proud that he made her look like that, but most of all he felt completely taken by her not able to think about anything else than that this was _Vanya_ , he _loved_ her and that she was _amazing._

He knew it was because of the sex. He knew it was the endorphins now running through his system like crazy turning him into a happy fool, but he also knew it wasn't just that.

_It was real._

_This was real._

' _You're gorgeous,_ ' he told her again taking a hold of her face so she wouldn't look away. She had to look at him. She had to feel his words not just hear them. ' _And mesmerizing,_ ' he looked straight into her eyes so she would know it was the truth.

'Do you believe me?' he asked watching the way her eyes lost some of that lost and afterglow from the orgasm and replaced it with something _tender_.

She took a hold of his face and breathed out looking both very vulnerable and more powerful than ever, ' _Yes_ ,' before she kissed him deeply and with far more emotions than a person should have for a stranger in the hotel room.

They remained like that for a while still calming down from their heights still looking at one another like they were the only people alive or like they saw each other for the first time clearer than they ever would in bright daylight.

Eventually, he got off her and got rid of the condom grabbing a small spare towel for her from the bathroom to help her clean up a bit.

He did so gently wondering if it wasn't strange that he didn't even ask her before he spread her legs again and started to wipe her clean.

Her eyes were on him now looking with undivided interest and curiosity like she was trying to figure him out. It scared him that she would. It thrilled him that she would.

'You don't act like someone who sleeps with a stranger,' she said and then stopped pushing her lips firmly closed probably realizing if she continued she would say something that could be awkward or rude. Vanya was never good at being rude. She felt too guilty afterward.

'Would you rather I acted like just a stranger who came to fuck you in the hotel room?' he asked her carefully finishing his work on her avoiding her gaze for a moment. He wasn't sure why it was so hard to look at her now. Maybe because he knew he would be leaving soon.

She didn't answer until he looked at her again though.

'I thought I did,' she nodded to herself honest about her thoughts, 'I came here again, I slept with you again, but…no, I think I prefer how you act gently, nice at times, caring. I think it's why I came again. Why I will come again if we…make a thing out of it,' her voice got lower now hesitant.

He tossed the towel aside as well crawling back to the bed, to her. His hands brushed her sides enjoying the view of her being still openly naked in front of him. Not scared or shy at all, 'I want to make a thing out of it. I want to meet you again if you'll let me.'

She smiled softly at him in the way he used to adore when he was younger, 'Yes, I would like that.'

He pulled her closer already knowing he would soon have to leave counting the hours with annoyance.

Her head rested against his chest, and she took in a deep breath, 'I don't even know your name.'

'That's half the fun of it,' he said and brushed her back with his fingers starting to feel tired and sour. His neck hurt a bit, so he assumed he would have a few bites and scratch marks there. He couldn't seem to stop touching her now, touched starved for her wishing to be close for a bit longer, just an extra hour or two knowing it would never be enough for him in the end.

She looked up at him from his chest, 'So when will I see-,' she grimaced and chuckled a bit. She looked happy. He was glad.

'When will we meet like this again?' she corrected herself.

'In a month same day, same time,' he said and then stroke her cheek, 'Wear something warm.'

She rolled her eyes, but he knew it meant a lot to her that he looked out for her like that. She only ever wanted people to be close with who would care for her as much as she cared for them. She rarely got that from their family and probably didn't really get it from outside of it either. He wondered what she would do if he had told her now. If he had told her right now who he was and that he had sex with her knowing it was her all night _choosing_ to lie to her in who he was, pretending to be a stranger. Would she still look at him the same? Would she be upset? Would she hate him and wish to never see him again? What punishment would be worse than to know he could never deserve someone as sweet and caring as her?

He decided to kiss her forehead gently one more time before he sank into the pillow counting down the hours they had left together wondering just how much longer it would be for him than for her before they would meet again. He also hoped that once he would come to it to tell her the truth, she would forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hi guys, I know it took me forever to update, but other things got in the way. As some of you probably already know Elliot Page came out today as trans, and I would like to think that all of us who are his fans, fans of his work, or just people who believe all people deserve and have the right to be who they want to be are super happy for him, supportive and wish him the best :) Also that Vanya even if she is portrayed by him is still just a character and therefore doesn't have to be trans herself until the character says so on the show so I hope I won't disrespect or upset anyone but until they do make the character canon trans, I will continue to write her as female, and afterward we shall see? :) Sorry for the long note. As always thank you for the support. I hope everyone is doing okay. Have a nice day.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to an AU similar to Meeting in the Dark, but I have too many S02 feelings so. Thanks for reading. I hope everyone is dealing okay and is safe.


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